12/20/06
12/20/06, 12/20/06...how many times did I write that today? So much paper work! The Crash...what did I do? It was a normal day waking up. I was tired, turned off my alarm and fell back asleep. I didnt make coffee at home but that is no longer that unusual. I always get more sleep instead. I got up and threw some work cloths on and then had some breakfast because Evan was late. It was a normal day...then on the way to work Evan and I exchanged conversation about the movies we had watched the night before. Crash is such a good movie and I could not stop thinking about how intense it had been for me. The amazing character development, and the great moving plot. What I did not realize as I ranted about this good movie that Evan had to see, was how ironic it would turn out to be that I had watched such a movie the night before.
I got to work and filled my coffee cup. I began to warm up my car and do my rutine get ready for work stuff. antisipation was killing me to get out and begin to work on the lights. I knew I would be spending a long day in the Library where everything seemed to go wrong. Now as I sit here in the Library...I think to my self how much I just want to be in a book. How I dont want anything to be real anymore. I want to get away...just get lost in another world tell things get better. I am getting ready for break, my 10 o'clock break. I get to a stoping point in the Library and move out to my truck. I pack up to unload the whole box of t8 bulbs that I have changed out of the Library already in just 2 hours work and I get in the truck. I turn the truck on, it everything was normal. The heat kicked on and licked my face as my hands felt the heat sucked out of them from the ice cold steering wheel. The regular shaking of the car commensed and the car was read for take off. I grabed the stick on the steering column and pulled it to the Drive gear. I eased on the gas as I always did on the Chevy's sticky gas peddal to drive the truck off the cub in which I was parked. The cool air whiped throught every little crack in the S10 as I drove it down the street, cars parked on every side. I reached the corner to Bawman Auditorium and the Post Office and it was there that I went around the corner a little to fast. I dont like to use brakes I admit. Normally this is not an issue, little did I know it would become my fate.
I as reached down to grab the clipboard that was now sliding out of control accross the seat and watched as my coffee which I had hardly touched spilled into the seat of the truck I looked up to see how I needed to steer my car. With horror I slamed on my brakes sending the truck jummping into the Black SUV that stood before me. At only 15 mph there were no screetching brakes and very little noise as the truck ripped on the paint on the side of the SUV. The large black truck then through me off as I hit its wheel and right into a little red car. With the impact of the little red car the back windshield shattered in the truck sending tiny glass particles trickling down my back. At this time I was able to get control of the bucking bronco of a truck and swerve out of any more harm. I put the car in park turned off the key throughing it on the seat and muttered to my self..."Fuck...oh shit...fuckin a" What had I done? What the fuck had I done? I just let myself get distracted keeping the car turning for these other two cars and now I had run a work truck into 2 innocent bystanders. I ran inside to the Post Office. No one had heard or even seen the acciedent. I told them what had happened and they gave me the number to call the Plant.
After diving the truck back to the plant and gettin all the information I needed to to the paper work I cleaned up the mess that was now on the street. I then filled out paper work for what seemed like hours. It was a long time, though I am not sure how long. I do like filling out paper work though. It is a good thing too. I talked the driver of the SUV. She was dissapointed but not upset. She just felt bad for me. The driver of the little red car was a little red head sutdent and she did not care that much. The college was gonna give her money to fix up her car that she would prolly use for something else other then her junky ol' car.
I did all the things that I needed to do. I worked for hours to make sure that things were in order. My supervisor and I talked and everything seemed fine. If anything the people working around me just felt sorry for me. They did not know what to think. This is my life now. I just want to get away.
As I sit here and work. My mind is lost...I am confused. I hate myslef. Earlier though I was changing a light...it seemed in all ways to be a bad ballast, but I changed it anyways. That light came on and shone brightly lighting up volumes and volumes of books. That light taught me a lesson. There is always hope. God's light will always prevail.
Though I do not know what my mom will say. I might just move out of the house if she gets mad enough. Though I do not know if I will be able to afford my car anymore. I know that God is good. He has provided in the past and I know that he will provide now. I am tired and I just need a hug. I think I might break down and cry at sometime today...the tears are welling up inside of me just waiting to get loose. Just never forget my friend...God always wins in the end.
I got to work and filled my coffee cup. I began to warm up my car and do my rutine get ready for work stuff. antisipation was killing me to get out and begin to work on the lights. I knew I would be spending a long day in the Library where everything seemed to go wrong. Now as I sit here in the Library...I think to my self how much I just want to be in a book. How I dont want anything to be real anymore. I want to get away...just get lost in another world tell things get better. I am getting ready for break, my 10 o'clock break. I get to a stoping point in the Library and move out to my truck. I pack up to unload the whole box of t8 bulbs that I have changed out of the Library already in just 2 hours work and I get in the truck. I turn the truck on, it everything was normal. The heat kicked on and licked my face as my hands felt the heat sucked out of them from the ice cold steering wheel. The regular shaking of the car commensed and the car was read for take off. I grabed the stick on the steering column and pulled it to the Drive gear. I eased on the gas as I always did on the Chevy's sticky gas peddal to drive the truck off the cub in which I was parked. The cool air whiped throught every little crack in the S10 as I drove it down the street, cars parked on every side. I reached the corner to Bawman Auditorium and the Post Office and it was there that I went around the corner a little to fast. I dont like to use brakes I admit. Normally this is not an issue, little did I know it would become my fate.
I as reached down to grab the clipboard that was now sliding out of control accross the seat and watched as my coffee which I had hardly touched spilled into the seat of the truck I looked up to see how I needed to steer my car. With horror I slamed on my brakes sending the truck jummping into the Black SUV that stood before me. At only 15 mph there were no screetching brakes and very little noise as the truck ripped on the paint on the side of the SUV. The large black truck then through me off as I hit its wheel and right into a little red car. With the impact of the little red car the back windshield shattered in the truck sending tiny glass particles trickling down my back. At this time I was able to get control of the bucking bronco of a truck and swerve out of any more harm. I put the car in park turned off the key throughing it on the seat and muttered to my self..."Fuck...oh shit...fuckin a" What had I done? What the fuck had I done? I just let myself get distracted keeping the car turning for these other two cars and now I had run a work truck into 2 innocent bystanders. I ran inside to the Post Office. No one had heard or even seen the acciedent. I told them what had happened and they gave me the number to call the Plant.
After diving the truck back to the plant and gettin all the information I needed to to the paper work I cleaned up the mess that was now on the street. I then filled out paper work for what seemed like hours. It was a long time, though I am not sure how long. I do like filling out paper work though. It is a good thing too. I talked the driver of the SUV. She was dissapointed but not upset. She just felt bad for me. The driver of the little red car was a little red head sutdent and she did not care that much. The college was gonna give her money to fix up her car that she would prolly use for something else other then her junky ol' car.
I did all the things that I needed to do. I worked for hours to make sure that things were in order. My supervisor and I talked and everything seemed fine. If anything the people working around me just felt sorry for me. They did not know what to think. This is my life now. I just want to get away.
As I sit here and work. My mind is lost...I am confused. I hate myslef. Earlier though I was changing a light...it seemed in all ways to be a bad ballast, but I changed it anyways. That light came on and shone brightly lighting up volumes and volumes of books. That light taught me a lesson. There is always hope. God's light will always prevail.
Though I do not know what my mom will say. I might just move out of the house if she gets mad enough. Though I do not know if I will be able to afford my car anymore. I know that God is good. He has provided in the past and I know that he will provide now. I am tired and I just need a hug. I think I might break down and cry at sometime today...the tears are welling up inside of me just waiting to get loose. Just never forget my friend...God always wins in the end.
posted by Dewsta at 2:06 PM
2 Comments:
awww...the last part about you needing a hug and crying made me want to cry!! :( I hope the hug you got from me was good enough. :)
Well, coffie seems be to in your head a lot, a lot!
If I ever die of a heart attack, I hope it will be from playing my stereo too loud. ~Anonymous
Just thought that you would like that quote, and let the bullshit begain!
Post a Comment
<< Home