Just a little story

My alarm clock began to scream warning me that it was time for me to wake from my deep slumber that I was enjoying so much to get up and face this terrible thing they call day before me. I through my arm over waving it around looking for my alarm clock and instead found my wife’s left breast. Her nipple was hard and very naked. As I grazed it again it reminded me of the terrible make up sex we had had the night before. Neither of us could find a good position that we were happy with and I think she had faked her orgasm. What a bitch I thought to myself. I had slept well though and really was tempted after my hands found the damn clock to hit the snooze. I knew this would upset the wife who was already rolling around and moaning like she was gonna kill me if I didn’t wake up soon. I flipped the little switch on the alarm making it silence and reset for the same time the next morning where I had a feeling I would revisit my brief hate of the machine.

I slid out of the covers making sure not to cause the wife anymore grief and stood to my feet. I had never thought as myself as a short man though when I stood straight I only reached a height of 5’ 10” which now days seemed on the short side. I glanced at my pasty white legs covered in hair and did a double take flexing the strong leg muscles. I impressed myself sometimes. Moving over to the dresser I slipped on some compression shorts and my running shorts. I dug around for a T-shirt that I liked and then retrieved my favorite sweatshirt from the closet. It was a live strong sweatshirt I had gotten at the 10k I had run to raise money for the livestrong foundation. I admired Lance Armstrong and all the good he had done in his life. I wished many times that I was both as good an athlete as he and as great a man. Slipping down the stair case I gripped the wall as if a child coming down the stairs on Christmas morning awaiting some great surprise or a room full of presents. I found however a living room just a plain and bare as ever and finally an ever dirty kitchen. I am not sure why the kitchen was always dirty I guess the wife and I were just always busy in the evening when it needed to be cleaned. I let out a deep sigh and reached to the cabinet right above the refrigerator.

This was my special cabinet it was full of my coffee things. I reached for a bag of starbucks guatemalan blend opened up the bad. Taking in a deep breath I let the smell of the beans wake me a little and I could feel all of my senses being put on their edge. I made my way to the coffee maker which was on a coffee cart out in the dinning room. This was really nice when we were entertaining guests so that they didn’t have come into the dirty kitchen to get coffee. I preceded to poor the beans in the grinder and ground up enough for a pot. The filters slipped through my fingers as I tried to pry just one off the top of the stack and place it in the machine. I poured the grounds straight from the grinder into the filter and then went to the kitchen to fill the craft with water. Holding the craft under the water I listened to this old house that we live in shift as if it were rolling over in its sleep. The water began spillover the sides of the craft and my hand was buckling under the weight so I turned of the water and pored a little of the water out. I guess I had been caught day dreaming. I went back to the coffee maker and put the water in. Set up the craft to be under the drip and then turned it on.

I looked outside brushing the shades aside in the living room. The sun had not quite begun to show its face yet there was some light in the east where is would soon be showing itself. I went over to the coat rack where I snatched up my iPod and grabbed my running shoes. I sat down on the couch and lased up my Nike’s tight ready for my run. I then set my running band for my iPod securely on my arm and through on my headphones. I was ready for the morning run. This is what I woke up so much earlier then work for every day. Why I did it I almost don’t even know anymore. It is just out of habit. I think that like my coffee I would not have a very good morning without it. I opened the door and stepped into the brisk fall air. Leaves were swirling in a light breeze down the street and a dog barked at the morning air in a near by yard. One thing I loved about living in DC was that looking out at me over many roof tops was the Washington Monument tall and erect. Ready for anything that would come its way.

I hit play on my iPod and listened to the familiar beginning of Jump by Vanhalen which is the song I always started my run to. My feet began to pound the pavement quicker and quicker until I fell into stride. This was what made life so enjoyable as the morning air swept my face and the sun was just starting to break the horizon. Music blaring in my ears, I was free and no one could stop me now. I got to the first mile mark rather fast. I checked my watch. This is when I noticed that I had no watch to check. What a misfortune I would have to run based on how I felt rather then by the time that I was shooting for. I did like doing this from time to time it was even more freeing and Runners World had had many articles about how good it was for your running. As the mile mark began to fade behind me I stepped up the pace a little. This song was so great every time I heard it I couldn’t help but quicken my pace. I told myself that I was going go really hard today as Jimi blared out All Along the Watchtower in my head.

I rounded my favorite corner of the run. There in front of me was the Lincoln Memorial and when I came around the side of it to go around there it was, one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen. The sun shot in all directions in reds and purples and blues its rays landing nicely in places all over the city and in front of me was the reflecting pool reflecting all of the color of the sky right back into your eyes from the water. I looked over my shoulder and nodded to the great president. He had freed the slaves and preserved the union, what a great man. I wondered to myself if he was a Christian and whether I would be seeing him in heaven when I go there. Looking in front of me I looked down the pool to the beautiful colors of the WWII Memorial as the fountain reflected the suns gorgeous array. I went to the right today to the Korean War Memorial. I did not feel like facing that wall of names that loomed on the other side.

I looked and studied the eyes and emotions of each of the soldiers as I had many times before running by this memorial. There was obviously something that was coming and the men in the back knew it and were trying to relay these thoughts to the ones in the front. I had always wondered to myself what it would be like to be in a war. To be out in a field with a gun not knowing where the enemy was and hoping to God that they did not attack you that day or the next. Just wondering if you were going to make it home or not.

My mood became more reflective as I ran past the memorial and Pink Floyd began to seep out of my headphones. I was now almost to the WWII memorial which in my opinion was one of the most beautiful. Just a bunch of fountains each state its own but the sun was rising now so I quickened my pace. I wanted to get a long hard run in before work. I glanced up at the Oregon part of the memorial as I left remembering home and my childhood. If someone had told me that I would be working on Capital Hill running through all the landmarks that the beautiful city had to offer when I was a little child in Oregon I never would have believed them. Now look here I was an advisor to an Oregon Senator paid well and running through one of the most historical cities that we had in the US.
I made another corner as I began to run back toward home. I had done about three miles already and I was only looking to do five this morning. My iPod gave me a boost as Muse came on and I stretched out my stride a little looking to make good time. I closed my eyes for a second and just soaked in the feeling of running. The pounding feet in rhythm with my stride, the wind across my face, the music blaring in my ears (probably doing damage but I could care less), and my body taking the blows from the pavement and straining with every stride to continue on faster. This is what I loved about running. It was my cocaine. I couldn’t live with out this early morning stress reliever. It was like a pressure valve was being released and the whole world was nothing for a while. Just running.

I thought back to the night before and the fight the wife and I had had. What was she even mad about? I had bought a big screen TV for her for an early birthday present because I knew she loved to watch TV and she had said it was an insult to her. I don’t understand women one bit. How could I make it up to her today? Maybe I would take her out for a nice dinner. However then she might complain that I was just throwing money away. I don’t think she understands how financially stable we are. I mean I have a God Damn degree in finance and accounting you would think I would know if I was throwing money away. Oh well what can you do? I guess I just have to try and make her happy. I guess im glad that we made up even if the sex was terrible because if she was still mad at me over that stupid TV that would make me upset.

I turned the corner into a familiar neighborhood this is when I went full out to my house the last mile or so. When I got home I could smell my coffee. I do love my coffee in the morning. I poured myself a large mug and began to drink. I could feel the warmth of the liquid all over my body as I drank in the coffee.

Dewey

More involved with church

I am making a pact right now that I am going to be more active in my church when I get back from the hospital. I feel a calling to both teach one Sunday on some of my thoughts that go crazy in this head of mine and that I sometimes am able to put into words and also to start a monthly newspaper there. I think that our church would enjoy the chance to put things in more then just the bulletin and it would also give people a venue to write what was on their mind and such. I think its something that God is calling me to and I just want to say it here so that I cant take it back and I wont forget it.

1 Corinthians 10:12,13

"Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."

Well done good and faithful servant

At the end of the race looking back at the marathon just run the runner is reminded of his faults nd what he could have done better.

What are these bags you are carrying? These will just make you heavier. This would have messed up your stride that we worked so long to perfect. This baggage just made you heavier and slowed you down. What is this that I hear you took a water break at the 5th mile? I had planned for you to take that water break longer down the road so that it would be more effective and tell me you cramped up didnt you? It was not as enjoyable as you thought it would be. Why didnt you listen to me we had everything planned out so that you could run this race perfect. Why would you think that your own thoughts and ideas would be better. You should have thrown off all these extra things. This baggage that hindered you and so easily entangled you in the small places where you were only big enough to go through alone. I would have been there coaching you still. Did I not make it clear to you that I am all you need? Is there something that I am not giving you. I give you water that you will never thirst again. I give you bread so that you will not hunger again. I have provided everything that you need and yet you still struggle. You still bring all this extra baggage. You still take water stops that were not planned for nourishment that you dont need. All these things did was pull you down so that you raced slower and less efficiently. Thankfully I am not a coach who is in distaste. I love all my runners and we marked out a course together. Even though you did not follow it. You tried some short cuts. You brought a long baggage. You took breaks when you didnt need them. You still came through. You ran the race that was marked out for you and I have nothing more to say to you then WELL DONE GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT! Well done...my son.

Love God

I want asstounding faith

How often do I come to a place where I almost no control over what I am doing and what I even do with my thoughts. Never...I dont think that I have ever come to this place before. This is a new hight that God has lead me to. He has never stretched me this far before to really have faith that he will come out on top. I know that I want to have a faith that God will be able to do something with. I know that I want God to work with me through this time as hard as it is. Though I feel like nothing, though I feel so weak and usless God is daring me to move. He is daring me to take that next step. He knows that I cannont concentrate right now and that I have no feeling of any kind of control over myself. I wonder if this is how it is supposed to feel when you give your self up totally to the Lord. Does it feel like your in a cloud with nothing around you or does God comfort you through the whole thing. Is he there carrying you though it and guiding you. What does God have planned for my life ahead? I know that God would want me to stay positive and stay on his track. I know that this is part of his plan to break me. The big kahuna at the end of the race that he marked out for me to run starting this summer. When I am well I am planning on training for the Portland Marathon but the truth is that I have been training for and running a marathon all on my own. This Cancer has been my marathon with God and he has been preparing me for these last few miles that he knew would be so hard on me. I know that he would not have under trained me. I know that I am going to be able to make it over the peak. Thank God for that!

God bless,
Dewey

The Hospital

Well look here. I am in the hospital and I am very bored. I am really not sure what to do with myself. For some reason I dont really feel like watching sports like I normally would if I was at home. Computer games are a bit on the boring side as well. I am already sick of laying in a bed and walking and being hooked up to things. :( It is not very pleasant either that they force feed me and tell me how well im doing yet say that I should be eating more and that im drinking so much that they are slowing down my intake of fluids. Why dont they just take it off it would be so much more comfortable. It is too much of a pain to get up and do stuff however I am bored so it is quite a delema. I am very tired and it doesnt help that there isnt any light there is only rain and more rain. The nurses yell at me when I go back to sleep however. This is not too much fun either. I dont know what to do with myself. I guess that I am going to have some visitors this afternoon and I cant make up my mind as to weather I should wait to take a shower tell after they leave or if that will just relax me too much and make me even more sleepy then I already am. I am not even sure what they have set up for me for lunch it doesnt smell bad I am just not hungry cuz I just finished breakfast! God I wish I was more comfortable.

God bless,
Dewey