I want asstounding faith

How often do I come to a place where I almost no control over what I am doing and what I even do with my thoughts. Never...I dont think that I have ever come to this place before. This is a new hight that God has lead me to. He has never stretched me this far before to really have faith that he will come out on top. I know that I want to have a faith that God will be able to do something with. I know that I want God to work with me through this time as hard as it is. Though I feel like nothing, though I feel so weak and usless God is daring me to move. He is daring me to take that next step. He knows that I cannont concentrate right now and that I have no feeling of any kind of control over myself. I wonder if this is how it is supposed to feel when you give your self up totally to the Lord. Does it feel like your in a cloud with nothing around you or does God comfort you through the whole thing. Is he there carrying you though it and guiding you. What does God have planned for my life ahead? I know that God would want me to stay positive and stay on his track. I know that this is part of his plan to break me. The big kahuna at the end of the race that he marked out for me to run starting this summer. When I am well I am planning on training for the Portland Marathon but the truth is that I have been training for and running a marathon all on my own. This Cancer has been my marathon with God and he has been preparing me for these last few miles that he knew would be so hard on me. I know that he would not have under trained me. I know that I am going to be able to make it over the peak. Thank God for that!

God bless,
Dewey