Its not 5th thats a myth

One must veiw themselves in the eyes of others and the eyes of the Father, for you will never veiw yourself the same as the others and only the Father can see your true worth.

I have come to the realization that some of my minor depression is due to what I bring appon myself. I am much smarter than I oft consider my self to be and in the eyes of my peers I am the know it all senior that will get his own way. Sure there are those few freshman that will rebel, but it is the inevitable that the senior should rule the school and that the underclassman will show a respect and reverance to them whether they weill admit it or not. I am now determined to show the school what a ture senior is. Never will I slack to the point of no return, the A's that I once got without thinking again will I enjoy the learning the facts and gaining the knowledge that is so highly valued in this society that I call my own. I have indeed also realized that at this point my small brain is not as hard to rack as I would think, and there is also not near enought room in this formation of grey matter that incompassas my head.

Hummmmmm

[Electioneering - Radiohead]
Yeah I sold these back in nom!!! They were the shit back then!!!

I'm Free Fallin'

[Simple Man (Live) - Lynyrd Skynyrd]
Well in this day in age you can never judge a book by its cover. How then do colleges expect to see the real you through some simple good refrences and a nice looking package of extracurriculars attactched to a transcript? Well that I dont really care about becuaes I know that its not possible. I know that someday I will be that aspiring young CPA fresh out of school and I will have shown those colleges and scholarship organizations what a real student that I can be. I have this underlying feeling of stress which pulls me down and cutes me in the jugular. I have my friends and my family that attempt to stop the distressing bleeding and yet it comes hither forth!!! The only true cure would be my Lord of whom has become but a normal friend that I dont let truley dominate my every action. This is seen as my lazy nature as a human and selfish desires to do nothing start to take control. Mark my word though, this will not be the Dewey that will set foot in the college world. Over some awe-inspiring odds this young man will come out of high school a man of God and a great student ready to kick some ass in the world of Accounting!!!

Grass grows Greener in the spring.

[Christine Sixteen - Kiss]
Today was a day of monotonous rain and grey colored sky. The lids of my eyes drew near to each other progressively more and more over the day as it drowned on. Winds dominate the now dark night and an essay sits before my computer side waiting to be read and finished. The day was long and I stayed in a melancholy state but for the times that I spent with my beloved girl friend. The day at school passed with a wisp and I remember very little of the things that were supposedly taught me. I think now that I have wasted a day in the school environment by the torturous deprivation of sleep that I force my body to undertake for the sake of fun and good will. After school is when the day picked up. The drone of the rain slowed to a small mist and I accompanied my girlfriend to the place called McMinnville so that she might pursue the act of becoming tanner. I also had to obtain a coffee mug that had been left out of the planning for a presentation to the School Board that I was to make this very evening. On leaving the school with my dear sweet Katelyn, we his traffic right outside of town. Thinking of first that this was simply due to the school busses we subsequently turned the music up and waited it out. The time was soon passing however and the traffic refused to move and inch. Soon a police man went speeding by and we realized that it was an accident that we were waiting for. After two more songs of waiting and a few rescue vehicles later the two teens in the car decided to turn the vehicle around and go the long way back to Carlton. Here we went to the place of Katelyn’s mother’s work so that we could receive a check for the darkening of Kate’s skin. Then we proceeded into Mac. There Katelyn presumptuously had me wait for her as she tanned which took even longer than normal due to some problems at the desk. She did not even buy me a coffee like she said she would for the wait. I however did not mind. I was going to be late for dinner with my dad and I had already informed him of this. I still had to make a pass at the Taco Bell because of the horrid meal that I knew was in my future. I then had to go to the Dollar Tree to get a coffee mug and some candy for the members of the School Board so that I could make my presentation. When I finally got to the residence of my dear father (who is outlandish and foolish beyond all persons knowing but those close to him as I), sat at the table of eating in front of the meal prepared for me. I thanked the God above that I had eaten of the Taco Bell, because I would have puked had I been in need of food with that home made pizza that my dad improved in the oven. I had some salad which sufficed me for the rest of the evening until this very point. I then after finishing the meal, made my way to the home of that one I call girl friend. There I was pleased to meet my darling in her living room. I had just the time to say hello and what not when her father returned from work with my winter formal outfit back from the dry cleaners. I thanked him kindly for his gesture of kindness and made my way to the Kate’s car to grab my earlier left possessions. I then regrettably made my way back to the town of Yamhill which is my current cage. I made way to my home and began to prepare for the presentation when I realized that I had left 4 of the 5 mugs in Kate’s car. I then had her rush them over for final preparations. I went to the board meeting and the persons were very grateful for the Leaderships gesture of thanks and appreciation. I am currently sitting in this innate state of nothingness attempting to write an essay on the violence being part of human nature or not. The little one or two page response is nothing but a minor annoyance and I wished to write in this vast space were the eyes of many men can read what the thoughts that strike my head might be instead. To this world that lacks Utopia a cry for the one day that Christ will bring it is nigh.

5th Period College Prep

I am sitting in the library full of thoughts. The teacher that is assigned to teach the class that I am occuping is currently not at the school. He had almost nothing for our minute class of 11 to do and so the class has been passed with a compolation of BSing and the starting of patitions. I am currently in the process of passing out my senior pictures and writing things on that back of them so that people will remeber me over the next few years, when I move the tremendous distance of 11 miles away from my current resedence. I have been told my many as the choose the picture that they wish me to write on for their memory, that my pictures look like that of a country artist Dierks Bentley. I googled the person and found that infact I do look vary similar. It is enteresting to me and I am in a state where I am glad to have a goodlooking and familiar face comparied to me. I have been in a mood that is of a great state. I have gotten little sleep and thus has made my existence one that I am wondering of what its worth may be in some sunny day when the Lord would call me to his bidding. I have wondered what the average person sees when they look at this creation of the Lord's hand. I wonder if there is the Dewey that they see or the Russell that is in my blood. I have fely myself to be more imature than that of the average specimen of the Teenage male. I have been told otherwise but still doubt it to some degree of thought. I try not to be too phiolosophical in my thinking of my self for this often leads to the depressed state that I offten my face in these days of the dark and dreary. I am exhilerated however for the LAN party that will occupy my time this evening. I am graced also by the presents of the most wonderful girl I could have ever meet. My girl friend has added to my joy and I believe has keeped me to some extent away from the depression that offten haunts the days of these winter months. To all those close friends and family that might grace this section of the great space that we call the internet. Do not worry about me. I am in a fine state of being and the slight depression that I might be dealing with will pass with some time. Just be there for me when you might feel the ability to do so and add to the joy of this year of the Seinor that I am currently in. I am so very excited for the up and comming year in college, yet so very afraid of the changes that I will undergo in my life as a student and disiple of the Lord.

My Appologies

I am very sorry to al l that might read my blog on the regular. I am sure that no longer a regular u are. I am in a world of business that I am having a trouble of a time escaping. No longer do the days go by without a thought. I am preparing my body for the new strain of work. The new task of finding ideas in this head that I carry on me is strenuouse. I sit in class and wonder what might become of this organic matter that is me. My head hurts. I sleep little. I enjoy what time of joy I can. Mock Trail is a joke and the premature senioritus kicks in. Soon this transcript that I have heard of will be on its way to the place of higher education. The destination of my future shall be set. Why struggle so hard with the now when its so evedent that my future will no longer be effected. When a class becomes no more than dead space and a grade which means nothing but to my mother and the inside of me that screams to me then that is where the thought maker in me might think that it becomes usless. When I can drove my thoughts into more interesting and benificiall things, then why waste the day away on spurs and calsses. Is it just for the shits and giggles?? Is there really a meaning to this screaming thought in my head? Anserw me oh one with anserws? Does the God that created me want me to follow in the foot steps that I have lead out for myself?